Monday, January 26, 2009


I laid on the couch today and could see all three of my kids within the two connected rooms – Caitlin perched on the couch practicing trumpet with the concentration of a professional right before opening night. Her movements are fluid now, natural even, which is incredible since she’s been playing less than a year and a half. I watch her as she plays, her profile more like Dan than me, her chin very much my mother-in-law, her posture the best it’s been since, well since I’ve paid attention to her posture. She hesitates at certain intervals and hums or taps her foot imagining the other band instruments playing their parts before the trumpets come back in – I can almost hear them myself watching her. She makes it look more and more effortless, so comfortable now with her instrument. She’s begun reading the book I got her, “Look Me In The Eye” a biography written by John Elder Robison who also has Aspergers. Right before she began playing she told me that he calls people with Aspergers “Aspergians” and said some people with Aspergers can “have perfect pitch and otherworldly musical ability”. She thought she might be one of those Aspergians and I agreed.

Maggie was concentrating on a game she was playing at the dining room table. No longer squinting as she was looking through the brand new lenses of her brand new glasses. She looks incredibly grown up – more like a pre-teen studying for a test than a fourth grader on winter break. She adapts so well and with such a good attitude I am amazed and very thankful. She is polite and says ‘excuse me’ to get my attention to ask me a question and then enthusiastically presses on when I tell her to go ahead. “How often will I have to clean my glasses?” “Will I use the same lens cleaners you do?” I tell her it varies and she’ll notice when they begin to get dirty, but that I already bought an extra box of lens cleaners to share with her and she is very pleased.

Ryan is on the floor, where he usually plays, although several feet away from the stairs which is unusual. He has a collection of star wars figurines, legos, and miniature football helmets engaged in a war complete with sound effects and plenty of ammo. There is confusion among the ranks, they don’t seem to know the strategy and there appears to be more than one general in charge. He looks up and smiles that smile of his that gets me every time, except his two eye teeth have been missing for awhile and so it’s even more endearing to me right now. I know he’s happy that we’re all in the same room even though we are doing four separate things. I know his best peace comes from our togetherness and his imagination is all the entertainment he seeks right now.

I am hugely content and know this is one of those moments to capture and bring out again like a favorite photograph for the memory of it. I am almost overwhelmed at God’s generosity to me. I pray for more moments like these when we’re not so busy and we enjoy what we’re doing and we realize how good we have it. I pray that I will be wise with my time to recognize the opportunities for these moments. I pray they will be in the kids’ memories as vividly as mine even if they don’t remember anything specific.


chi2cali said...

I loved this Laura! I always loved listening to you talk, and speak and especially see the things you write. For those of us who have lost touch, and who are seperated by distance it makes us all feel a little more connected. :) Love you!

chi2cali said...

Oh, chi2cali is Heather by the way. I don't use live journal anymore, but I'm thinking I should start :)