While I continue to be grateful for the celebrations I enjoyed over the weekend, it seems they may have contributed to a setback in my recovery. I had to leave one of the church functions I mentioned in my last post early yesterday. I never made it to the second one, because this illness, whatever it is, has decided it's not finished with me yet.
That kept me from more visiting with my brother-in-law and from spending time with my husband who took a vacation day today (but in his kindness did some more laundry to keep us going a few more days). This illness has kept me from a lot of things that I had hoped to achieve during a long holiday break and it's tempting to think about regrets and what could have been. But a few days ago my amazing husband said something that has stuck with me. I was bemoaning the lack of progress made on home projects, the inability to go on a date (or two!) while we were both off work and had gift cards to spend, and the lost opportunity to invite friends over during a week we had nothing else planned. And his reply was "I guess that wasn't God's will."
Now depending on your faith and your current struggles, that can be the knife in the back or the balm in the wound. For me it was definitely the latter. Because there is nothing so comforting as being reminded that the all wise, all powerful, all merciful, totally compassionate and ever present God is in charge.
Of course that's only comforting if you know Him to be wise, powerful, merciful, compassionate and there.
I may never get the "why me?" or "why now?" questions answered but I get something infinitely better. Assurance that whatever my circumstances may be, they are still in the hand of a God who loves me and knows far better than I do what's best at any given moment.