Happy New Year!!

It's the night before the first Monday after New Years. All the resolutions start tomorrow if you do that sort of thing. I decided I would make a resolution this year, basically because the church sermon this morning asked me to and it was delivered by my boss.

The challenge was to become more like Jesus Christ.

That's a resolution I can get behind.

In his sermon he noted that recent research estimated about half the population make resolutions, but only about 8% keep them.

That sounds about right.

Especially when you consider that most people's resolutions have to do with their physical appearance. We all want to drop ten pounds, right? Or maybe 20-25. I'm going to shoot for that too, but it's not my priority. I think there can only be one at a time. So I'm not even going to bother making additional resolutions this year. Instead I'll concentrate on the one and know that if I make any progress at all it's bound to positively affect many other areas of my life.

It's been a fantastic Christmas break - the kids have been off for two weeks and I only worked four days during that time and Dan only worked two! We've had several wonderful, low-key celebrations during that time with family and friends. We didn't keep any kind of regular schedule so tomorrow morning might be a little dicey. It will probably take a few days to adjust to the old routine, but that's okay. So in the interest of not making the first morning "back" any more difficult, and with the intent to behave more like Jesus, I'm going to go to bed before midnight. Hey look. Twenty minutes to spare.

Driving Lesson

I was driving to work the other day after all the snow fell. The roads were pretty clear, but the people were still driving a little cautiously. Things were moving better than I expected, but those of you who've been a passenger in my car know I have a tendency to get impatient pretty easily while driving. I don't know why it is that I can wait in line at the grocery store with a decent amount of grace, but when I get behind the wheel all bets are off.

The left lane is for passing.

My kids have been the most effective microscope on my behavior on the road. When I hear the sarcastic accusations drip from their mouths with disdain because someone hesitated at a green light or didn't use a turn signal or drifted into our lane because they were on the phone, I know where they heard it first. And it hasn't gone unnoticed that I get asked in the car more than any other place, "Mom, are you okay?"

So, it's just like God to use my car as an object lesson and speak clear as day to me this particular morning while I was fuming behind a commercial van.

You know the kind I mean, right? The big white one with no back windows to see through so you really have no idea what's going on in front of them.

I hate not being able to see what's going on in front of me. Especially on the road. I want to know if there are cars backed up for miles or if there's plenty of room to accelerate if I could just get around this one big van. And the trouble is, I can't follow too closely because I can't see through the non-existent windows, so for all I know everyone in front of him is breaking.

So I'm driving behind this van becoming increasingly agitated because I think I'm going to be a few minutes late now. The van is driving much slower than I would be, I can't get around him try as I might and I don't know what the hold up is.

And that's when I started to get this dawning realization that God was telling me that He's in the van. No, I haven't wigged out. He wasn't literally in the van. It was an analogy - following Him in my walk of faith was like being behind this van.

I can't see what's ahead.

I can only rely on Him to lead the way at an appropriate pace. Not my pace, but His, which might be a lot slower. So I can't speed up when I feel like everything is taking too long.

I can only trust Him to break when necessary. Instead of lagging way behind for fear of crashing if I follow too closely.

I can only resist the urge to pass Him and get in front which might cause me to miss a turn or end up behind a much worse driver.

I can only believe I will get to my destination at the right time, after having traveled on the right route.

But I know how I get in the car and so I'm thinking, I'm not patient enough or skilled enough to follow at the right distance and not be tempted to pass in my frustration. And that's when I hear God basically say, "Right. That's why we need a trailer hitch between us so you can stop driving altogether and not worry about you getting too far behind or way off course."

Matthew 11:29-30 says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." He means "yoke" like the one that binds oxen together when they pull a cart side-by-side. That's the verse I thought of when God was telling me I needed to be hitched to Him. When you're "yoked" to someone, you can't get ahead and you can't fall behind, you go at the same pace in the same direction to the same destination.

Funny how sometimes He blocks your vision for awhile so you can see better.

Feeling It

It's starting to feel like the Christmas season to me. Maybe because it's snowing. Or maybe because we decorated the tree tonight that's been standing bare in our living room for four days sucking water faster than I can pour it from the stand. It could be because the kids and I sat and watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas" - one of the very few Christmas specials on T.V. that actually quotes the story of Christ's advent from Scripture when Linus tells Charlie Brown what Christmas is really about.

We were at two consecutive Christmas parties on Sunday and Monday night and the food and the company were wonderful at both - that sure helps ease you in to the Christmas spirit. We sang Christmas carols at the one last night. Dan was a trooper because he had to leave the house at 4:30 this morning to catch a 6:00 am flight to New Jersey to meet with a client for three hours and then go directly back to the airport where his flight was delayed about 2 and 1/2 hours because of the snow. Thankfully he landed around 7:00 and was home around 8:00. And to be honest as much as I feel badly for him, I was thankful the delay meant he wouldn't be home in time to take the kids to Awana and we were able to have a down night which we all really needed.

Shockingly, even with Dan gone, I made a real dinner after eating out three nights in a row at parties!

The Christmas cards are still on the floor waiting to be started, as is the annual letter I write and the photo to be developed. I'll get to them eventually. It was way more important to sit with the kids and watch the Christmas specials tonight.

Before the party last night I was at a wake for a wonderful woman a mere two years older than I am who lost her battle with cancer but won her victory in Christ. She is now completely healed and in the company of the One whose advent we're celebrating now. I am rejoicing for her, but at the same time mourning with her husband and young daughter.

Tonight I'm thankful to Janet for the very precious reminder that it was much better to decorate a tree and sit with my kids eating popcorn, not knowing what tomorrow brings than to have spent the time driving the kids to Awana in the snow, writing out the Christmas cards or shopping for presents on-line. Tonight was a gift. Maybe that's why it feels like Christmas.

Not so fast

Today was a busy day - I had an early meeting at work so I woke up at 6:00 and left the house well before 8:00 am. The meeting is a weekly staff meeting and I'm always so grateful it's in the middle of the week, because the first 15-20 minutes are spent doing a devotional and singing three songs of Praise to God.

I cannot imagine a much better way to begin a work day.

After the meeting there was plenty to do, and almost all of it was urgent, but it didn't create panic or stress because we'd taken the time to reflect before we even began.

During lunch I ran an errand to pay a bill at Kohl's. Wednesdays are senior discount day at Kohl's. There are lovely old people everywhere navigating the dozens of kiosks in the aisles at their own liesurely pace. I only get 30 minutes for lunch, but I managed to wait fairly patiently in a long line at Customer Service where the employees feel no sense of urgency whatsoever and then found a majorly discounted sweater with the exact type of collar I'd been looking for forever in the perfect color for the holidays (red) and a Christmas gift for someone else on the way out.

After work I had to run to Walmart. Again. I was there yesterday. But for some inescapable reason 10 minutes after I get home from Walmart each week I immediately notice a half dozen items we are completely out of and can't wait to buy (like toilet paper, shampoo and milk, etc.). There are a thousand other people in Walmart all in a hurry to get home but I manage to find all the items on my shopping list calmly by stopping every so often to check them off.

I got home and got dinner in the oven and then helped the kids finish their homework, instead of trying to do both at once to save time which, let's face it, always ends badly. Mostly because of my inability to truly multitask for any length of time without great frustration.

After dinner I took Caitlin to her youth group meeting and met with several mom's of the other kids in the youth group for a Bible study during which we took turns reading and talking about the lesson. No one even glanced at the clock for the first hour of a 90 minute meeting.

I got home around 9:30 pm, tucked the twins into bed and cleared out some email, read a couple of friends' blog entries and then came to my own. I thought...what did I learn today?

I learned you can move slowly through a fast day and get a lot of meaningful things accomplished.

But now I'll quickly go to sleep.

Advent

On the first day of Advent, my true love gave to me.....permission to be a little lazy.

December is quite a busy month around here - yes, yes, for us all I know. But it's also Dan and Caitlin's birthday month, we usually have out of town company and working at a church means business tends to ramp up instead of cool down. I am however, extraordinarily grateful not to be working retail anymore.

So...we have plans for the next 9 consecutive evenings, then a day off, then a packed weekend, and five more consecutive evenings planned.

The good news is we both have some vacation time coming and will be taking it. The better news is we had a really relaxing Thanksgiving weekend - the calm before the storm. The best news is, I'm exercising boundaries much better these days and perfectly willing to back out of any number of said planned evenings if I feel the stress rise.

One of the women I work with (whom I adore) had us all over to her place for lunch yesterday to kind of take stock of all our blessings and encourage each other to enter the season peacefully and concentrate on the real cause for celebration and not the stuff or the events or anything that detracts from the real reason we as Christians celebrate Christmas.

The Word became flesh.

Stunning.

Thankful

I haven't written all month and since we just celebrated Thanksgiving and I just finished reading a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called "Choosing Gratitude" I feel like this would be a good time to write down some of the things I'm grateful for.

My husband. Who has said to me at least 2 dozen times this week, "You're the greatest."

Caitlin, who stood at the tree lighting ceremony in downtown Elk Grove Village Friday night directly under a barrage of fireworks and said "I'm fine, Mom." With a big smile and a cheery voice just three short years after being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when loud noises brought tears of pain to her eyes.

Maggie who is always grateful for everything regardless of what day of the week or year it is.

Ryan who prayed before our Thanksgiving meal with the sincerity and maturity of someone who knows how blessed we are.

That Dan and I have jobs.

That I love my job.

That my dishwasher hasn't completely died yet.

That I got to go away for the weekend (one week ago) to scrapbook and hang out with two great girlfriends.

That I have great girlfriends.

That the weather has been mild all November long.

That everyone in my extended family is relatively healthy.

That having Thanksgiving dinner was not at all stressful.

That the stuffing turned out.

For our supportive parents.

For our siblings. All of them. Near and far.

That I haven't gained back the last 5 pounds of the 40 I lost.

That I own a really good treadmill.

That the heat works.

That my car runs.

That my kids go to a great school with great teachers and great volunteers.

For our neighbors.

For the park by our house.

For our church and the many many people who make ministry happen.

That Jesus died on a cross to save me from my sins and give me abundant life.

That I can feel peace in the midst of difficult circumstances.

For the movie "Elf."

For the new sheets on my bed I got 75% off on black Friday.

For my bed.

For WXRT.

For U2.

For $5 fleece sleeppants at Target.

That my back hasn't gone out in over a year.

That my nephew Charlie will be here for Cait's birthday.

That I live in a country where I can worship God without fearing the government.

That a gallon of milk is less than a mile away.

That clean, cold, Lake Michigan water comes out of the tap.

That I have next Friday off to celebrate Dan's birthday with him.

That I can write.

That you can read.

And a million other lovely things.....

Stronghold

About a month ago I was in a store and I glanced at the strategically placed row of magazines while I was waiting to check out and one in particular caught my eye. It was Oprah. I know this because she was on the cover. And she's on the cover of every issue. Anyway... the cover story headline read, "You're Stronger Than You Think You Are" and I thought to myself, "Bull!" Although if I'm honest, there was a second syllable to that word.

It struck an emotion in me somewhere between ticked off and amused. Because the truth is, I don't think we are nearly as strong as we think we are. And I think it's a huge disservice to keep telling people to find their inner strength and pull themselves up by the bootstraps when they only find real strength in the midst of their weakest moments. And the strength doesn't come from themselves.

I have identified over the course of several years of therapy that there have been people and things that have had strongholds on my life but I didn't derive any real strength from them. And I've only recently discovered how I had allowed a certain extent of my own identity to be defined through these relationships and possessions.

As a Christian, my identity is first and foremost in Christ. I am literally "in" Him and He is in me. It's the truest way to define myself. And if He really is the all powerful one (and I believe He is) than the only way to obtain real strength is from Him.

One of the Bible verses I used to be most confused about is in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. It says "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." (NASB)

I've read that a lot and I used to come away going, "Huh??"

How can I be strong when I'm weak?

But just a verse earlier it says power is perfected in weakness. Then it talks about the power of Christ and how it may dwell in me. I don't think I was too hepped up on having Christ's power dwell in me. I kind of preferred my own. Until my own proved insufficient. It took awhile for me to figure out that my weakest moments were actually an act of God's grace. Because who invites another power in when you're own seems to be working just fine?

I'm an American who lives in the northwest suburbs of Chicago in the 21st century, so I don't know nearly as much about insults, distresses, persecutions and difficulties as the apostle Paul. But I have noticed that the closer I get to Jesus, the more I experience these things for His sake. I'm at a point now where I'm content in those circumstances.

Because when I am weak, I am strong.